He said that when it comes to Fear we should (and in this order)
1. "Hug it Out" with Fear!!!
2. Ignore it
3. Act
Ok, I've heard similar advice but what really struck me was the "hug it out" part. That's kinda an odd way to think about handling one's fear. I mean I've always heard advice to "recognize one's fear". I've even heard advice to "embrace one's fear" which I believe he was alluding to here but in a way taking it a STEP MUCH FURTHER. What I take from this is we need to become intimately acquainted with our fears!!!! I mean take some time to really own them, acknowledge them, hold them close and know them inside out ----in great detail. After you've processed and accepted them then, and only then can you adequately decide to reject and ignore them and go on to act in a way contrary to them. I think too many times we are ashamed of our fears. We get a glimpse of them and run in the opposite direction. And thus we never take the time to really look into ourselves and look at the fear for what it is. It's almost like we know it's there but we keep choosing to ignore it. And all the while it keeps lurking and haunting us.
I'm not trying to be all psychological here (I'll leave that to the professionals) but I have to admit that during this Fearless February Sew Along alot of the fears I had weren't as big as I thought. I think would've recognized that if I'd taken time to really look at the fear for what it was and drew it near and embraced it----you know had a hug session with it. Now make no mistake, my sewing challenges were real. Fitting pants had always been a struggle in the past but I admit it was always fear that kept me from being relentless in trying to overcome them. I have to admit that after a couple of trials here and there I kinda got discouraged and let the notion of having well fit pants fall to the side. Well as you know, the last 2 projects I completed were pants (gray pants and denim capris) and I definitely feel proud of my efforts! I no longer have that fear. I still have a few challenges to work out but the fear is gone. As a result I feel really empowered to keep on sewing and tackling other sewing fears that I have. I guess the best way I can describe what I've learned.......
So I encourage you to have a good "hug-out" session with your sewing fears. It's ok, you're human---everyone fears something. Look at them for what they are. Even say them (in great detail) out loud to hear yourself. And after you've had that intimate time together make sure you kick them to the curb!!!! Because there's no time for fear......you've got ALOT of great sewing to do (wink)!!!!!
Hi Victoria - fear can manifest in a variety of ways - with me its perfectionism, which is difficult, because with pants it is difficult to get them right and they are not going to be perfect. I'm aware of this, though, so I don't allow it to interfere with task completion - and I know that avoiding the problem isn't going to help - so I guess this is a form of "embracing the fear" and slowly mastering the steps necessary to get the desired goal. which may take quite some pants experimentation yet :). I'm going to look up the book - I finished a psychology degree last year (which included a lot of statistics LOL).
ReplyDeleteVictoria, my book on Photofitting arrived today, so I might get pants right yet - I admire your perserverance in getting yours right even though it took some years of frustration.
ReplyDeleteSarahLizSewStyle, you are ABSOLUTELY right!!!! Great insights and congrats on your Psych degree. I often suffer from perfectionism too. I would start a project hot and heavy and then lose steam when I begin to obsess with things that are less than perfect. With time I've realized that whatever I obsess about is usually small in comparison to the entire project. Furthermore, I've just convinced myself to just do it now and make improvements later. I'm comfortable with my garments not being 100% perfect (how could it be anyway). I've resolved myself to just accept how good they are at the present and work to improve as I go along. It's took a little "mental retraining" and just experience. Sometimes you won't know how to make something right unless you've gone through all of the wrong steps first. Ask me how I know that to be true LOL!!!! Some things are just a process I suppose. I wish you well on your pants fitting. I know you will get it. Another great book is Sewing Pants that Fit---by the Singer Library and Pants for Real People by Palmer Pletsch. Lots of great resources. Wishing you the best Lady!!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso Sarah, the key to getting a good fit on pants is working smarter. When I made my muslin for the gray pants and had the circumference issues worked out pretty well---it was the crotch issues that were hardest to resolve. I could've tweaked these everyday but knew that it would take forever to do so. I turned to some RTW pants that I had to find the answer. I'll post about my methods in a few days but definitely try comparing the curves of your pants pattern (make sure it's well drafted) to that "similar RTW pants that fit you good"---hint, hint. I guarantee you'll find the answers there!!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Victoria, I'm glad you are aware of perfectionist tendencies - not altogether a bad thing because it may well also be the wellspring of developing the self and gaining self mastery. In sewing, as in all actitivities, as you say, one has to learn the basics. And, if garments are not 100% perfect, as you say, this does not matter - I learnt this with my Fearless February pants that did not go as I wanted project - and have a great pair of really useful utilitarian pants out of it - I would certainly never had attempted to make these (we all have fantasies of gorgeousness in our heads!) but I have loved them ever since for household chores! There is an old saying that you only learn from your own mistakes, and I think, as you have pointed out, this is certainly the case in sewing. My husband also says learn from other people's mistakes because you don't have enough time to make all of your own! LOL's!! I'll look up the two books, and certainly do as you suggest - pull out some RTW pants. Funnily enough, lots of those don't fit either - but I'm only going to check the crotch. I found a flexible curve ruler yesterday, so am ready to get serious now about pants! Working smarter is the way to go with many things - why reinvent the wheel? Thanks for organising Fearless February - lovely to have met you and I'll be visiting often!
ReplyDeleteLOL---your Hubby and I think along the same lines. I love his saying. Sewing is one of the few areas where I know it's ok to learn from my mistakes. It's great you're getting so serious about pants----so inspirational. I'm interested in learning about what you discover. Isn't it great that we can spread our knowledge/experiences in such a great sewing community!!!! Well I wish you all the best. I know you will do great! And I've considered it a pleasure to chat with you and follow your blog:)
DeleteGood news Victoria... I faced (hugged) my fear and have drafted my skirt pattern and made a muslin and the fit is great! I also discovered I have pelvic tilt LOL... I shared a progress update on my blog with a few pics of my muslin too. Thank you for Fearless February... I have conquered and lost my fear of drafting a skirt pattern... thanks to you xxx
ReplyDeleteI've seen your skirt Chris, you did a fantastic job. I need to still comment on your blog. It's cool that you figured out your fit issue! What an accomplishment!!!
DeleteThanks Victoria and it sure is a good feeling to conquer my fear of drafting a pattern and so glad I accomplished my goal. Thank you again and looking forward to reading your comment too :)
DeleteVictoria, Thanks for the fearless february. I managed to get two skirts done!
ReplyDeleteThat's so awesome Lady!!!!
DeleteI want to thank you too Victoria! I managed to squeeze a project in at the last hour! Mine actually help me to conquer two fears! This was a great challenge!
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